Things have changed, once again, since the last time I wrote. I don't know WHY I choose to even write things down when they change more than my underwear but for the sake of my sanity i'm not stopping now.
Things were moving too fast for us to be in the Sept group so we got moved to the Oct IVF group. Then when I was done with my first pack of birth control pills we got told taking any more might supress my ovaries too much but to be in the Oct group I would be on another month's worth of pills. It was decided I should go ahead and stop my pills, get my period, and if they got our protocol all worked out with the couple I am sharing my eggs with, we would move forward right after my period. I figure it won't work out that way and we will have to wait for the Nov group --- but I am praying things happen more quickly than that.
Another thing they brought up was that they didn't know if I could be an egg donor since my mom has MS. I had to inform them that MS is NOT hereditary and had to end up sending them articles on it that they won't get until tomorrow due to the holiday weekend. I'm still nervous that things won't go good for me to still be a donor but I am trying to be positive about it. We aren't in a place, financially, where we can cover a full IVF cycle alone - so we would be put on hold for quite a few months if this doesn't go in our favor.
I have been in a dark place emotionally for the past few days. It's hard to be around friends and family because they have gotten to the point of simply telling me to just be happy. Like i'm NOT happy with the child I have? Like I - of all people - don't understand the miracle that was given to me? She doesn't change our medical problems or fix our infertility. She is seperate from that. Until we overcome this - it will not go away. Am I not allowed to have as many children as I want (like the friends and family I know)? Am I not allowed to hurt over my troubles? Am I not allowed to have happiness with the family I always dreamed of having?
It's just been a hard few days because the people closest to me just can't understand. I hope my next post is a happier one ... Until then ...
**Update 9/9/10 - Got a call that the couple we were matched with ALSO have MS in the father's family so it was decided that would not be a good match, even with it not being hereditary.
We have been told it may take 2-3 months to match us up again so now we wait. It feels unfair and feels like forever. Nothing ever goes right for us. I don't understand His reasonings even though there is one. I am praying hard that we can get started in Nov. Praying ... so hard.
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