Bittersweet

On Christmas Eve, after sleet and snow fell around our area, we ended up getting into a wreck and my side took all of the impact. I started cramping a few minutes after we got out of the truck. We were SO very lucky because we physically had no injuries except for my 5 year old's seatbelt burn. The only thing was, our local hospital had no physical way to check on the baby. I was cramping and they couldn't tell me if my baby was ok.

I called Dr. S on Christmas day and since I had no bleeding he said we would wait until Monday (today) and have our regular appt with him. This was the hardest weekend to make it through. Every time I went to the bathroom I was scared to wipe because in my mind I knew I would find blood. Not having bleeding didn't exactly ease my mind. I know all too well that plenty of tiny heartbeats stop and the body doesn't induce their miscarriage. I knew there was a huge possibility that my little bean didn't make it.

Making the 3 hr drive to the doctors office felt like the longest we had ever made. Our daughter had taken the accident and the possibility of her "baby sister" not making it very hard. She was constantly asking about the baby and saying she would be so alone if she didn't get to be a big sister. It made it harder on us to see her hurting. We tried to stay as positive as we could for her, but how can you do that when you feel like it's over for yourself?

We made the decision to leave her at my moms for the day just incase there was bad news. That way our grieving wouldn't upset her more and we would have time to decide how to tell her.

Once they got me in my room I could barely slow my heart from pounding out of my chest. I was asking God to please let us keep this little miracle He had sent us. It took 25 minutes for the doctor to come in and get caught up with us.

As he started the ultrasound I barely wanted to turn my eyes towards the screen, but somehow I managed. I seen the baby but was frantically searching for that flicker of the heartbeat. And then, I found it! It was flickering away and he turned on the speaker to let us hear. My eyes started to get tears in them. THE most amazing moment of relief in my entire life. He measured the heartbeat and found it to be a strong 168 bpm!!

Our baby is a survivor!!!

The appt was bittersweet because it was our last with Dr. S. We went through 5 long years of infertility and adoption hell before finding him and he was our door to the most amazing miracle ever. He will forever hold a place in our hearts - not only because we did get pg - but because he took the time to be a GOOD doctor. He was able to offer care to us at a more affordable price, unlike other doctors who shattered our dreams of ever considering IVF with their high price tags. IVF wasn't easy for us and there were plenty of bumps along the way but we made it. Dr. S gave us the chance to do what we NEVER thought we would get the chance to do. He gave us that and brought hope to our lives again. He brought us to our baby.